Counting down my top 10 of 2010...

As the end of the year is fast approaching (and by fast I mean its already here), and as I'm getting ready to once again make a huge move that will determine the rest of my life, I took a few minutes to reminisce through the past year: the good, the bad, and the terribly ugly. Surprisingly, I came through a winner. I'm ridiculously happy and for once I'm seeing the glass half full, even as I'm only 15 hours away from walking out of love, life, and everything I've known for the past two years. Generally I would say the year was plagued by bad luck, and it seemed that 2010 would be no different when I was stopped by the highway patrol on the 1st of January on my way back from spending New Years in Vegas with my little sister, only to be given a $300 fine for speeding... but the rest of 2010 turned out quite differently. Below are my top 10 moments of 2010:

10: I took a stab at learning French. Ok, so in the end it turned out that I despise French, learned nothing, and have zero desire to ever try it again, it was still exciting in the beginning feeling the rush again of learning a new language.

9: I improved my tennis game. I have always loved watching and playing tennis. I have memories of my brother and I playing (badly) in the courts across the street from my first house in South Africa, or against the garage wall in my third house, when I pretended I was Steffi Graf. I remember after moving to the US on Fridays Mom would take us to a court to hit around for a while. I never took lessons though, and I got into the habit of hitting awkwardly and not following through. This year, thanks to someone very special, I improved leaps and bounds and even began competing towards the end of the year.

8. I turned 25. I had an absolute blast dancing at my birthday party and this age just seems perfect to me. I have finished so many of the things I wanted to accomplish in my life, and having finally finished studying 25 seems like the perfect age to start thinking about settling down. Not too young, and definitely not old. Unfortunately I have to turn 26 in only 3 months lol.

7. I strenghened my relationship with God. I have a bad habit when I live in Costa Rica of not going to church, or going just to go but not really fitting in or enjoying it. This year though, God brought me back to him and I can't be happier or feel better about where I am spiritually.

6. Mommy came to visit me. Costa Rica holds a major piece of my heart, it always will. But I'm a mommy's girl and always will be, and having my two loves in the same place for the first time in three years made me the happiest person alive. Of course after Mommy left, I missed her so much more than I did before she came...

5. I graduated with a Master's Degree in Translation. Ok, TECHNICALLY I haven't graduated YET, if you consider graduating walking across a stage and received a physical copy of the diploma, but I finished the course, paid the fees, took the oath and have nothing left to be but await the day they print the piece of paper and deliver it. Ergo, I am graduated. And just like graduating from Mars Hill, it was bittersweet.

4. I visited Nicaragua. I am a born traveler. Since I have memories, I remember traveling to Europe, South America, Australia, Asia, America, and having the opportunity this year of visiting a place I hadn't been to before, learning the culture and meeting the people is an experience I wouldn't trade for anything.

3. I fell in love. Who would have thought? Somehow one got through, and not only do I love him, but I'm crazy in love. The good thing is, in my 25 years I never knew what I was missing out on. Love changes a person for the better, and I still thank the Lord every night for the amazing person he brought to me this year.

2. I presented my thesis. This is number two above graduation because for three semesters I worked my butt off on my thesis. I experienced a stress I wouldn't wish on anyone, and at one point even considered giving up and moving back to the US without finishing. The time a thesis takes is equivalent to a full time job, added on top of three other Master degree level courses, no wonder I was exhausted at the end of each day. The presentation itself was a rush. I got to show off what I had spent a year and a half writing. It has to be similar to the rush one gets bungee jumping. And when it was over... I wanted to cry. A weight lifted off my shoulders and I could breath and stand up straight. Sadly though, it was also anti-climatic. I had spent so much time on it, that when I no longer had to work on it, I had no idea what to do with my time. It is still one of the best experiences I have had though, and thus my number two for this year.

1. I met Rolando Rojas. The Lord blessed me incredibly the day I met my Rolito and despite the fact that a few times I almost messed up the relationship we have come to have with my stupidity, selfishness, ungratefulness, etc., I can really only thank God for giving him patience and a desire to fight for me. Because of him I was able to do almost everything else on the list I have just posted and I honestly can't imagine my life without him. Just meeting him was the best thing that happened to be in 2010 and I hope with all my heart, that I never ever forget the impact he has had on my life, and that that impact never has to end.

♥

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2011 is filled with even more good luck than that which I experienced in 2010.

Moving day...

Today is moving day. Moving day #1, that is... and despite waking up very early (7:30am) and getting started almost immediately, I am only now finishing up. The clock says 5:24 pm. That means it took me a little less than 10 hours to pack up the life I had made for myself here in a year and a half. Would you say that is a lot, or a little?

As I'm sitting here now waiting for the owners to show up to look at the apartment and return my deposit, it feels so normal to me to be moving. Maybe the fact that I still have 2 weeks left here makes it that I don't feel sad, I mean I'm not leaving yet, I'm just moving house. And I'm ready to leave the apartment. For the past couple of months it has been nothing but noisy neighbors and now looking out of my door I have a view of a lovely cellphone tower that if I stretched my arm just a little farther than normal could quite literally touch. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but it is literally in my backyard.

But like I say, this is only move number 1. In 14 days I get to make move #2... and I'm not so sure its going to go as well as this one...

A little pessimism from a pessimist...

So the end is nigh (yes, I just said nigh) and it puts me in a very weird mood. Almost surreal... and bittersweet. It feels like there is no end, and yet I have to pack and go through 4 semesters of saved papers and homework. I'm going through the motions of yet again packing up my life and yet in the moment I feel like I'm doing it for no particular purpose at all. And then there are days when I wake up sad and spend 70% of my waking hours with tears in my eyes or streaming down my face. When I can't even think about, let alone look at, certain people because I end up using an entire roll of toilet paper just trying to make the waterworks stop. And then there are days, like today, when it all feels like a total reality. I'm packing up just like I did in January of 1999 to move to the United States, or in July of 2004 to move to Mars Hill. I'm sorting through homework and books just like I did in May 2008 when I left Mars Hill and moved to California. Funny, moving from California to Costa Rica never produced that 'I'm moving again and leaving people behind' feeling in me. And now, once again, I'm moving, and this time it really hurts, because I know this could be the end. This could be the last time I get to pack up and move on a whim. This is the last time I get to study anything (other than a doctorate... or another masters). This is when I have to grow up, fast, get a job, make a life, and begin the monotonous 8-5, 8-5, 8-5.

We spend our whole lives in school waiting for the day we finally get out and can be our own people, and then we find ourselves wasting away behind a computer at a desk that isn't ours, in an office that we didn't pay for, under a boss who we inevitably despise. And that to us is living?

I guess you can say that I woke up cynical today. Or maybe that just comes from a pessimistic personality. I should be excited to begin a new chapter in my life: no more homework; I can actually CHARGE for my translations now. And yet, the only thing I can think about, is having to leave behind people who have grown into family, knowing that in all probablility, in a year's time we will no longer have that relationship, and also leaving behind the one guy who was able to make an optimist out of a pessimist. The worst part of all is knowing that the time apart is going to be indefinite. And honestly, how many can say they know of a long distance relationship that worked out in the end? Seriuosly, if you do I'd like to hear stories! haha

Thesis Defense: Check!

I feel like I was counting down forever until the day of my thesis defense. I remember saying at the beginning of the semester: only 4 months until I defend! Aaaah! Then in August: 3 months left, I hope I'm ready. Then in September: wow, I can't believe there are only 2 months left... it's getting close; I'm getting nervous. Then in October: 1 month aaaah! Start practicing. Then... three weeks, two weeks, one week, bam! Thursday the 11th, 6pm. I begin, I speak, I defend, and then... it's over. All that time spend preparing, practicing, being nervous and before I knew it, almost as if I was on auto-pilot, it was over. A year and a half worth of work presented and defended in 50 minutes. And I kicked butt. Or at least that is what they told me. To be honest, I hardly remember it. I remember the first question, but from there nothing. I remember thinking when I arrived at the last part of my presentation, the conclusions: wow, that was quick, I hope I didn't speak to fast, was that really 23 minutes like I'd practiced it? Truth is, we spend so much time stressing and being nervous for something that will signify an end, in this case the end of a Master's degree in Translation, and what it all boils down to is 50 minutes of our lives.

And then it was over and I was left thinking: how anti-climatic. Now what? I have a week left of classes, final papers and final exams, but nothing holds the same weight to me anymore. I conquered my thesis defense. I defended my work with pride. What difference does a 5 minute oral exam in a Simultaneous Interpreting class really make? A week left of classes and its out into the real world, to once again begin fighting for my place in society. Isn't it strange, how it turns out that change really isn't that different after all?

Mommy came to visit me this past week. It was Mom's first time down in Costa Rica; she came down for my defense and we spent the week together doing touristy things. We went to the museums in San Jose, and drove up a very bad road to Poas volcano, only to see... clouds. And we went on the Cafe Britt coffee tour: definitely the highlight of her trip. Free coffee always makes me happy ;-). Mommy got to meet my old host family after so many years, she got to meet Rolito and his parents, and I finally got to show her the country that I love so much, my home away from home. My heart.

And now, as this chapter is closing in my life I get the exciting job of writing the next one. A job? A family? A new car? A new city? Not knowing the future is scary but exciting. Its like a suspense movie, a thriller. I don't know whether to cover my eyes with my fingers or clutch the hand beside me, my heart is racing as I try to predict what happens next. But we can never really know, because there is always a twist.

Pocket Change...

"The key to change... is to let go of fear."

We have heard it said many times that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. And change. Regardless of how hard we fight for things to always stay the same, change is inevitable, and truth is, 9 times out of 10 the change is better than anything we were trying to hold on to. So is this a brilliant epiphany? Or simply a realization of something I really knew all along and just chose to ignore?

The first example I would like to draw on is my thesis. At the start of semester three of working on what is to be the culmination of two years of diligent studying to obtain a Master's degree, my thesis lector told me straight out: This is crap. You need to reorganize it or else it doesn't make sense. (Ok, ok, clarification: he didn't actually say the word 'crap' but he did tell me it was very badly organized and didn't follow logically). I was... overwhelmed. How was I going to reorganize a work of over 100 pages in just a short couple of weeks to be able to turn it in for its first final revision? I complained, I was stressed, I drank an incredible amount of coffee, and the I complained some more, and at the end of those two weeks, my thesis turned out ten times better than it ever was before the change.

Change is always scary. But it is very seldom bad.

I have realized this now because recently in my life there have been many changes. And I tried so hard to avoid them that I lost sight of... everything. And especially, of who I was. Just months after moving to Costa Rica I met who would become my best friend. At first the friendship was normal, we played basketball, watched sports, he invited me for lunch with his family or to watch movies. But somewhere along the line the friendship took a turn towards unhealthy, and one day it left me completely devastated and him completely undeserving and unappreciative of me.

How it reached this point is still a mystery to be, but it became an obsession. As a friend I trusted, he somehow managed to take control of every aspect of my life. Who I was with, where I went, when I saw him. At his asking, I would change anything I had already planned just to spend the day, again, with him. I was obsessed with making him happy and he was obsessed with controlling me and lying. Looking back now, I knew all along they were lies, but I chose to blind myself to them so that things would not change. I had my perfect little family in Costa Rica. Los cuatro fantasticos. Every Sunday we would watch the NFL, throw the football, spend hours together. And accepting the reality of what was happening would have changed all that. I would have been left watching football alone on Sundays, no one to throw the ball to, no one to make me laugh until I snorted or to hit when they said something ridiculously stupid. I was so afraid of how lonely my life would be without them that I ignored all the signs and continued forward naively down a path I knew could only lead to tremendous pain.

Of course the inevitable happened and there was really only one path left to take: end any remote spark of a friendship that had once been and... accept the change. And what has happened in my life since making that decision is so much better than what I had before. I met someone so much more worth my time, someone I never gave an honest chance to before because of my unfounded obsession. After months of severing all contact, I have finally overcome the chains he had me under and we have started again, because at one point the friendship was too beautiful to destroy. And I am happy. Uncontrollably happy. I wake up smiling and I go to bed thanking the Lord for the change that I was too scared to embrace.

Honestly, I am a very private person. Very few people, if any, know exactly what happened and I like it that way. Its easier to forget it. And I'm independent. But not in the good way. I don't ask for help, ever, and if I had, none of this would have happened. But we live, and we learn, and as long as we learn not to make the same mistake twice, we'll come out triumphant and in the end we'll be better because it all.

~para mi Rolito, gracias por hacerme tan feliz.

Dear America...

Dear America,

STOP TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES.

Sincerely,

A-soon-to-be concerned citizen.

This morning, while wasting time because I was unable to sleep, I read something that at first made me roll my eyes, and then made me wonder why the US doesn't realize that 1. they are the laughing stock of the world at the moment and 2. they are setting themselves up to be destroyed as a country. What was it you may ask? The headline: Spat errups on 'The View'. The picture, which caught my attention was of Bill O'Reilly and the older redheaded View hostess... My first thought was "oh great, now what did O'Reilly say?" But after reading the article I have to say, I agree with him. Yes, we all love to hate O'Reilly, but he is one of the few public figures that could give a sh*$ about being politically correct, an American concept that will lead to its demise as a world power, and later as a nation.

The topic turned to the Mosque that is planned for Ground Zero and when asked why he was against it, Bill replied "Because they killed us on 9/11". Was he wrong? Was it another extremist religion that flew two gigantic feul-filled airplanes into the World Trade Center buildings at the busiest time of the morning when the most people would be killed? If I'm wrong, please correct me. Here in lies the problem: America wants so badly to make everyone happy that they are willing to "re-write" history so that it doesn't make any one side look bad. Instead of being Muslim extremists, now they are just "extremists" as Whoopi put it, so as not to point a figure. I really wouldn't be surprised if one day someone were to actually say: well, we sort of deserved it.

Let me clarify that yes America protects the right to practice any religion, and I am NOT in ANYWAY saying Muslims do not have the right to build a Mosque. I might not agree with their beliefs, but according to the Constitution they have as much right to be there as us Christians do, what I DO NOT agree with is the slap in the face that building a Mosque right at Ground Zero will give to all the families who lost loved one's that day. How fair is that? Why will someone not stand up and say: by all means, build your Mosque, but go build it somewhere else. The AMERICANS who lost their lives that day deserve more respect than to be remembered by a building being built for the very extremists that killed them that day. And that is what happened: 9/11 was the mass murder of more than 3000 unsuspecting, innocent individuals simply because the Muslim extremists did not, do not, BELIEVE in the politics of our United States.

America, instead of cowarding behind words of BS political correctness, stand up for yourselves. No one deserves the beating that America took on the 11th of September, regardless of what they stand for. Don't remember those innocently killed by erecting a place of worship to the very people who pray for the fall of this great country.

Yes, I am criticizing. And yes, this may offend some of you. I am not apologizing for anything I've said. I am taking a stand for the country I want to live in for the rest of my life, because if someone doesn't do it, this country will cease to exist in its entirety.

Original article: http://social.entertainment.msn.com/tv/blogs/tv-buzz-blog.aspx?blog=1746&feat=1b4206e4-4fc8-4e99-a8e8-5dc25c71c760&GT1=28103

Home is what the heart grows accustomed to...

This afternoon I asked myself the question, How the hell do I leave? My flight "home" to California is in exactly 3 months from today. 3 months. Thats just 91 days; 5400 hours. That's just a season, like Spring or Summer; a quarter of a year; only 3 new moons. How do I give this up?

I've tasted independence, adulthood. I've grown a love for this country that I have never experienced anywhere before. And even if I complain daily about the black soot clouds rising from the back of cars that should have been yanked off the road decades ago, there is a charm to Costa Rica that is hard to beat. Where else will I find the warm friendliness that surrounds me in any tico home I may enter? Where else will I become part of a new family, accepted equally by grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, nephrews?

How do I pack up the life I have build in the past two years?

But what makes this life any different? Why is this one so hard to give up?

I remember crying the first time I left Costa Rica in 2007. I cried so hard as the plane took off that the woman beside me asked if I was having a panic attack. I cried so hard my eyes were still red as I walked off the plane at LAX. And that was only after a stay of 5 months. I promised I would come back, and I did. Can I promise the same thing again?

Sitting here now, thinking about the day I'll get on the plane with an 'indefinite goodbye' drying on my lips, my eyes well up. This is my home. This is where my heart is.

A country with the longest lasting tradition of peace and that for centuries hasn't had or needed a military. A country of unprecedented scenic beauty in its mountains and beaches, volcanos and waterfalls. A country with potholes so big an entire car can vanish from sight; where a 4 km drive by car can take up to 15 minutes by bus. A country that after 50 years of planning finally builds a decent highway from its capital city to the closest beach, but then opens only two lanes, when road traffic has more than doubled since the year they began planning. A country where an avocado can cost less than 20 cents and where mangos rot on the ground because people can't eat them fast enough. A country whose local football league plays worse than a pack of monkeys, but whose fans bleed purple, or red and yellow, or red and black. A country where instead of having a Starbucks on every street corner, there is a church... even if its Catholic. A country that wholeheartedly believes in God.

This is my home. And yet part of me is scared I might not even miss it.

Ode to the first 8 months of the year...

Wow, hello mid-September. Where the hell did you come from? Gone is August and the start of my fourth (and final) semester. Gone is month 1 of the last 5 months I will ever (possibly) spend at a university. Gone is month 2 of my new (and somewhat exciting) job of being an English teacher. Gone are the 7 looooooong months spent waiting for the new NFL season to begin. Gone is the first week of the 2010 season. Gone, again, is September 11, thankfully with no repeat of that terrible day that we all no doubt remember like it was yesterday. And gone, as well, is the 12th, 13th, and 14th (although, I really don't know of anything exciting that has happened previously on those days hehe).

September 15. In Costa Rica and I believe all of Central and some of South America today is Independence Day. As in the US, every store, house, car, post box, light post, etc. has the Costa Rican flag displayed from it. Families are getting together for lunch; everyone has the day off. There are parades during the day (there was even one at 5:30 this morning I believe. I did not see it, I was just awoken by the heavy beating of drums and wind instruments), fireworks at night, food as far as the eye can see. I suppose every country celebrates their independence in a similar manner. And today is gorgeous. The sky is a blue I haven't seen since the rainy season began 6 months ago, the clouds are white and puffy and not gray and menacing (although I don't know how long that will last for). Sitting in my room, I hear my neighbour's music. Everything just seems different today. Uplifing. The world, or at least Costa Rica, is happy.

In other news, I have a date for the final presentation and defense of my thesis: November 11. Just less than 2 months away now. Have a set date makes the time between now and then seem waaaaay less though. When I think about what I still have to do: present the first final draft to my tutor, make the corrections he suggests, turn in a second draft, correct the translation yet again, turn in a final draft... and then, I present and have two weeks to again make corrections before turning in the final final draft. All of that before the end of November. And just in case you think there can't be that many corrections: my translation is 85 pages and my analysis close to 100. Of course maybe I did everything right the first time around... ha, wishful thinking.

Thankfully, the other 3 classes I have are very non-demanding this semester, so I can focus more of my time on making sure my thesis is 100%. And of course it gives me the extra time to work without going out of my mind. I'm enjoying teaching, all except 1 course that is. Adolecents aren't the greatest age, and with my utter lack of patience, we don't get along all that well. I think we've come to a mutual agreement: you talk your junk in English and I won't hassle you; lets just get through the next hour and a half and we'll all be happier for it. All of my classes are a different levels of English, which is somewhat a challenge. Its hard to go from one class with which I can speak perfect English and a normal pace, to having to explain everything in very short sentences and even Spanish, to once again being able to speak semi-normal English with very little or next to nothing of Spanish and then the next day having pure pure beginning where everything little topic is a challenge to get across, for example the verb To Be (I am, you are, he is etc.) and then to complicate matters even more, making QUESTIONS with the verb to be! (am I, are you, is he?). Just when they finally understand to use 'are' with 'you' they get the question where ___ your pencil? and suddently it isn't 'are' but 'is'. Ask me to explain THAT difference! Its fun though, as I have to start thinking about all the rules for English grammar that I have taken for granted since I was, well, born. Its fun though, and I really don't think I could have picked a better part time job while I was here...

MTV: the bane of my existance

Remember when MTV actually COULD call itself "Music TV"? I remember back in 1999 right after moving to the US and finally getting cable, Mom picked us up from school and was telling us all about the different channels and I distinctly remember her saying: "and there's this one channel that only plays music all day." Those were the days.

Soon MTV got the Reality TV bug and from there it was only down hill. Here are a list of some of the worst Reality TV shows known to date on the MTV channel.

1. Laguna Beach. Yes, I agree it was entertaining and for a while I tuned in every week to watch the next episode. But seriuosly, could high schoolers really ACT real when they were followed around my cameras every day? Besides the fakeness of the show, I honestly think Laguna Beach had something to do with the demise of the American youth. Everyone wanted to act like the popular group out there in Orange County.

2. Next. Honestly, how are there so many retarded people in America? Per capita the US definitely has their fair share of idiots, and all of them somehow manage to find their way onto the Next show. And what is with the lines at the end of each show? I mean really??? Who writes this junk? The cockiness is over-exaggerated, and the fakeness has been taken to a new level. My suggestion: the script should be burned, and the participants shot for even considering to go along with the stupidity. Anything for their 10 minutes of fame.

3. ALL the finding-love-on-MTV shows. A Shot at Love. I Love Money. The list goes on. Finding love on MTV is basically searching through America's rejects.

4. South Park. On Wednesday I was shocked to hear two boys in my English class mimicking the South Park characters. They were 9 and 11. There is no hope for the future of this nation when 9 and 11 year olds look up to South Park, repeat (word for word) the episodes and try to act just as the annoying little characters do.

5. Parental Control. I admit its a clever idea: I'm sure many parents would like the opportunity to choose who there children date, and then they ruined it with the scripting. Number one qualification to work as a script writer on MTV: Bachelor's degree in the worst come back lines known to man. "Uh, whatever" went out about a gazillion years ago, people! The teens think they are so bloodly smart but all I hear when I watch the show is "blah blah blah I am not a man, blah blah blah." And honestly, if any kid talks to me like they talk to the adults on that show, I wouldn't simply have a shocked look on my face... they'd have a shockinly red handprint on their left cheek. Just watching the show makes me want to throw something at the TV. Won't someome please tell these imbecils that they are 1. not funny and 2. in no way clever with their comebacks.

6. The Real World. All I have to say is that they have redefined the word 'real'. Its sad how there really are no wholesome young people left in America.

7. Whatever retarded Jessica Simpson show is on now. As if we didn't get enough of her lack-of-cerebral-matter on Newlyweds and the other 12 shows she has tried (and failed) at. Her lack of respect for foreign countries and their cultures in her new program is sickening. Not everyone is cut out to be an entertainer. She should have been told that no one likes her years ago.

8. My Super Sweet 16. This show really only deserves two words: Spoiled. Brats.

The list can go on, of course. Every 30 minute block on the channel is filled by a program that deserves to be put on this list. Maybe we should just do away with the entire channel and replace it with a wholesome educational channel that will teach America (and all the other countries poisened by MTV) that being cool does NOT mean trying out for a MTV Reality TV show.

Hello, Gorgeous...

The sun is here! The sun is here! A full 8 days after my dreadfully late arrival to Costa Rica the sun has finally shone (hehe, how clever) its beautiful face. After 8 long days of bitterness and restlessness I was finally able see blue sky, put on a summer dress, and spend a few hours soaking up the sun in Central Park. I can without a doubt say that every soul I know here is just as thrilled as I am for the sun to have come out, just for a different reason of course (I've been told I'm not the easiest person to be around when I'm in a foul mood hehe). My mood has lifted! My gloomy mood brought on by day after day of dark rain-soaked clouds has blown away with those same clouds and I'm smiling, and even hummed to myself as I sat in line at the bank waiting to pay the rent.

Dreading the thought in the morning of opening the curtains and seeing, once again, the rain, I slept in until 9. Less conscious daylight hours meant less hours of gloomyness. When I checked my phone however, I had received a message at 7 am: ...salga, esta haciendo un sol increible! (Go outside, the sun is incredible!) My first thought was "why the hell would I be up at 7 am, let alone ready to go outside?" but then I thought, "maybe the sun is still there!?!" I opened the front door and low and behold, the spiral stairs leading down to the first floor were bathed in yellow light and the potted plants outside my door had cast shaddows across the veranda. I immediately grabbed my cup of joe and sat, pijamas and all, on the steps, soaking up the glorious warmth.

It wasn't enough for me though and I quickly showered, cleaned the bathroom, swept the floors, and ran my errands at the bank, and then walked over to Central Park, found an empty bench and read in the sun for the next hour and a half. Glorious, glorious sun!

Along with the first day in over two weeks that I have seen the sun, yesterday I was given a bouquet of seven gorgeous yellow sunflowers, my favourite flower. There is just something about them that makes me smile. Between the two, how in the world can I be having a bad day?

Now the clouds have returned, something I had expected since the moment I first saw the sun today (there is no getting around the tropical rainy season climate), but I'm happy. My spirits have lifted and I'm ready to tackle another day of teaching Intro English.

Sunless days, sleepless nights...

The clock has just ticket 2 a.m. and I am as wide awake as if it were 2 p.m. This is night two of my insomnia. Yesterday I spent it watching pointless episodes of any comedy I could find on t.v. between 1 and 3 a.m. Today I've spent it on Facebook and once that got boring since there are no status updates at this normal hour of sleeping, I have moved on. To here. Maybe extracting my thoughts on this here blog, will clear my mind for what I really need it at this moment... blissful sleep...

After a very, nay, too short vacation to California I am back in Costa Rica, ready, yet not eager, to begin semester 4 of 4. My 10 day trip to CA consisted in not much else than laying around reading. The sun, regardless of what they say about 'sunny CA' was not out for about 7 of my 10 day stay and, just my luck, it hasn't been out in Costa Rica either since my arrival on Sunday. The gloomy days have definitely not brightened my spirits. Speaking of arriving... the good ol' USA made my life miserable again. I've been trying to figure out what I've done in my life for Karma to have kicked me, again, while I'm down, but I haven't quite come up with anything good. My trip to immigration this time was extended beyond the usual checkpoint as Ms. Butch didn't believe I was the lovely face smiling back at her from my Green Card. Maybe I shouldn't blame her... it was 11 p.m. when I pulled up to her drive through window. After playing 20 questions she led me away to magic door number two where I had to sit and wait while Antonio Banderas and Jackie Chan talked about their big guns. After another fun game of "Avoid telling the whole truth to the immigration agents" I was given a pass to rejoin the milling masses eagerly awaiting to see if the airline managed to screw up the baggage. I'm not bitter. The best part of my trip however, was by far the uber-cute flight attendant who, seeing me staring longinly at the conveyer belt pleading for my bag to come around, fed me the line "You have gorgeous eyes, don't ever cover them up." There is no sarcasm in that last line. I flew with TACA and I have to say, unless their tickets end up way more expensive than Priceline.com I'm picking them for all my Latin America to US travel. Direct from CR to CA, zero baggage fees, great flight attendants, extra legroom, free headphones and alcoholic beverages, and meals! whaaaaa??? ... all in economy class.

The second part of my trip was not without its 'fun' shall we say. My flight left LAX at 1:35 a.m., a time of the morning when I thought the airport would be empty. Guess again. An hour after joining the line, I managed to get to the check-in counter only to find out they had over booked my flight! I was offered a $600 voucher to fly the next day and, if it weren't the World Cup final I would be missing, I would have taken it. Instead I waited an extra 10 minutes for the computer to spit me out a seat number. Armed with my seat number and dangerously low on sleep, I make my way down the plane aisle, plop in my seat, and close my eyes. Ah sleep... wrong. TACA shows a movie and the t.v. screen just happened to be right above the seat in front of me. All movie long I had flashes of light penetrating my eyelids. When we were all finally woken up at 6 a.m. for breakfast I was about ready to use foul language on the very next person who spoke to me. But luckily... no joke here... it was another good looking flight attendant offering me a much needed cup of joe. Cafe Britt, Costa Rica's best coffee. Yum. We were an hour and a half outside of Costa Rica making a 'quick' pitstop in Guatemala to let people off and pick up others. A scheduled 4o minute stop though turned into a fun packed 3 hours of staring out the airport window at the menacing black cloulds and, no joke here, the only two airplanes that landed in the entire 3 hours I was there. Our plane had managed to catch itself a faulty landing gear somewhere thousands of miles above the earth and we had to wait while the genius mechanic stood looking at the plane and scratching his... uhh... head. My 9:35 a.m. arrival to Costa Rica turned out to be a 1 p.m. arrival when I no longer had a ride home, or made it back in time to catch the plans I had made for the World Cup. Nor did I even WANT to watch the damn game. I got home, threw myself onto the bed, and fell asleep to the sound of pouring rain.

I cried that day. I didn't want to be here. Maybe the exhaustion was part of it, but somehow I had managed to distance myself from everyone down here in the 10 days I was home, and when I arrived it just didn't FEEL right. I have fought with my best friend every day for the past week, and now lying here I can't help but wonder if being on bad terms with him isn't affecting my sleep.

I began teaching on Monday. I work evenings teaching English now to earn some extra cash and hopefully save up for a down payment on a car when I get back to CA. I was a little nervous my first day but after a few minutes of the first class I got into it. It helped, of course, that that class already had a pretty high level of English. At the end of the day, though, three classes down, I enjoyed it, which was a surprise for me. My bosses have graciously kept me away from children which I can only be thankful for. As the semester progresses, I'll reevaluate my skills as a teacher. A couple of weeks ago I was so worried I wouldn't even be able to explain the difference between a verb and a noun, but maybe I won't be that terribly bad. It helps, of course, that I speak Spanish.

I have two weeks until my classes at the University begin up again. So in the mean time I'm just taking it easy, sleeping until 10 (mainly because I'm up until 3), working every now and then on my thesis, and praying every day that today will be the day that the sun comes out and lights up my life.

A love/hate relationship...

Yesterday, semester three of my four semester Masters program came to an end. I turned in the first final draft of my thesis, took the most pointless final exam I have ever had to endure, and when I put my pen away and stood up to leave, a wave of... disappointment washed over me. 'But why disappointment?' you may ask yourself. The answer isn't clear to me either. I have had one of the most stressful semesters to date. It had been long and boring, and to some degree, I felt it was even a useless semester. But finishing it means a year and a half has gone by and I only have six months left. How do I ever pack my life up (once again) and move away from the people I have grown to love with all my heart. And yet, the answer is simple. Just do it. I did it before, after graduation at Mars Hill, I did it when I moved down here in January of 2009, and I can will do it again because that is what I do. That is what is expected of me. I will leave with a part less of me though, a part that will forever stay in Costa Rica.

Of course, the hardest semester of all still lies ahead of me, and the scariest thought of them all: presenting and defending my thesis. I in no way regret deciding to come down here to do my Masters, even though this presentation will be in Spanish. I am grateful for my two years here and for the opportunity I have had to perfect my grasp of the language more than I would have done in a program in the U.S., and believe it or not, I have come to love Spanish even more than I did to begin with. That being said, it's all sunshine and summertime. Below and the five things I dislike most about language and the five things I love about it:

5 things I HATE about Español:

5. The me gusta and me encanta constructions. Sure, saying me gusta el cafecito comes as naturally as saying 'I like coffee' in English, but when it comes to saying, for example, 'you don't like me' my mind still automatically wants to say no me gustas which actually would be 'I don't like you' quite the opposite of my actual intention.

4. The difference between este/esta and ese/esa. This equates to the same difference of 'this/that' in English, which as a native speakers comes naturally, but try getting it right right off the bat in a foreign language is impossible. It is further complicated by the fact that it is gender specific and a neutral eso/esto doesn't always work.

3. The difference in the pronunciation of 'rr' and 'r'. This really applies more to the Costa Rican way of pronouncing 'rr' rather than the general pronunciation in which one rolls the tongue for a second to add extra emphasis to the double r. I can do that perfectly fine, but in Costa Rica the sound is more of a vibration than an actual roll and for a native English speaker with no similar sound in our language, sometimes I could out sounding just that: a gringa speaking Spanish. I hate it.

2. Gender specific words. Why can't all objects be neutral like in English? It makes learning the name of the object 100x easier. Words that end in 'o' or 'a' are not the problem, its the words that end in 'a' but are actually masculine, or words that end in consonants like 'l' and 'n' which, unless you already know the gender, can't really be guessed. And then there is the distinction between the same word which has both masculine and feminine forms which mean two completely different things, or when adjectives, pronouns, determinants etc., all have to agree with the gender of the noun. It makes life for an English speaker very difficult.

1. The subjunctive tense. The only example we have of this in English is the 'if I were' construction, however, in Spanish it is used for a million different reasons that to a Spanish as a second language student are impossible to get right all the time. Luckily though, getting it wrong doesn't change the meaning of a sentence or impede its understanding, it just simply isn't right.

All the above are cancelled out though by my love for the language, especially the following

5 things I LOVE about Español:

5. Pronunciation = spelling. And visa versa. Looking at an unfamiliar Spanish word one can pronounce it correctly by simple pronouncing each letter individually. An 'i' is always pronounced the same as is 'a', 'e', 'o', and 'u'. Much easier than in English.

4. Noun constructions. If you ever don't know the name of an object thing about its function and bam! 9 times out of 10 you can guess its name. Matamoscas, for example, literally means 'fly killer' or juntabolas means 'ball gatherer'.

3. Diminuitives. English is really lacking in this fabulous way to easily show the difference between a rather large object (add -ote at the end of a noun) or a really small object (add -ito). Not only does it give an idea of the size but it always has affective meaning. It shows the speakers feelings to an object. Diminuitives is just a very caring way to describe an object.

2. The difference between te quiero and te amo. Both mean 'I love you' just with different intensity. Amo a my parents, or the guy I will one day be in love with, but quiero a my best friend or the guy I like, etc.

1. Spanish speaking Latino men. The dark hair, tanned skin, coffee coloured eyes... Anyone that knows me knows my obsession for what I have just described. Being here has not changed that in the least, rather one could say it has solidified that obsession. Sure I find the occasional blue-eyed, blonde-haired European attractive, but I'd take a dark-featured Latino over him any day.

It's true love...

Today I rediscovered the love I used to have for Costa Rica. The love that, little by little, I had been losing. My life here had become the same monotonous routine, day in and day out. My days spent indoors working on endless amounts of translation homework and thesis writing, an afternoon of rain, clear but cold nights, ESPN right before turning the light out only to wake up in 8 hours to do it all over again. I was always surrounded by the same people, always in the same places and last night I felt suffocated. The feeling started at dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant by the university. There were too many tables crammed into one dinning room and the room was packed. One one side I had a piller, behind a party of two, to my left a party of 8 and in front of me the bar. It was stuffy and hot, the only ceiling-fan being situated tables away from mine. I couldn't wait to leave, to be able to breath again, but when I got outside I realized it wasn't just the restaurant, it was my life.

I went to bed last night with a million thoughts rolling around in my head. And when I woke up at 6 am to the sound of a text message I couldn't even remember if I had dreamt anything. Two hours later I woke up again and turned on ESPN. My day was about to be as monotonous as the rest when a friend said: vaya afuera, es increible hoy! Go outside, its gorgeous today. I turned off my computer, grabbed the January edition of Fitness magazine, and headed to Central Park to enjoy the sun. I bought an iced cappuccino and a chicken empanada, and sat on a bench for the next hour and a half soaking up the amazing Central American midday sun.

Central park was packed with families: children running around after the pidgeons, parent's holding up their toddlers to see into the fountain, clowns trying to sell bubbles and blow-up toys, an indigenous flute musician playing along to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." The sky was the magnificent blue colour of Costa Rica's still-undamaged-by- tourists Rio Celeste and the puffy white clouds were scarce. From where I sat, I had a view of the ancient Catholic church hidden partially by the tall palm trees blowing gently in the breeze. A grandmother, her daughter, and her grandson sat next to me on the bench, speaking the beautiful Spanish that I love, Tico Spanish. Across were two teenagers in-love, locked in embrace, him kissing her on the forehead. A gorgeous black labrador jumped into the fountain to cool himself off. A toddler cycled by on a green plastic tricycle, followed by his young father in faded jeans, a airy white button-up shirt, and his dark shaggy hair bouncing as he jogged to keep up. And as I watched a beautiful little girl in a pink dress and white sandles, with thick, long, dark hair chase the bubbles her mom blew I realized, this is the Costa Rica I love. Just five blocks from my apartment I found my escape and I fell back in love with Costa Rica.

I came back to the apartment, slightly burnt, but content. The sun is shining in my world again and Costa Rica is truly the love of my life.

Reading material to put you to sleep...

About an hour ago I realized that it has been two years already since I graduted from Mars Hill. Two years... seriously, where did the time go? It just sort of struck me out of no where. As I was watching the 4th game of the Magic-Celtics series I was thinking about when it was that I was sitting on my couch with Char'lee in Bailey Mountain watching J.J. Redick play for Duke. Then it hit me, and I just sort of sat there open-mouthed for a few minutes as it soaked in. And then, I got over it and continued screaming at the TV. But it must have worked, because the Magic won :-).

Another shocker is that we are already nearing the end of May. I complained so much about the start of a new year and look at us... just a few days away from the middle of it. And thankfully, that means just a few short weeks away from the end of semester 3 of my Master's. And it is NOT coming fast enough. Although today I made a list of all the final projects I still need to get STARTED on. 5 to be turned in sometime in the next two to three weeks. The hardest of them all, of course, is all the corrections to my thesis I should have been making all semester long but that... well... let's face it... I've been procrastinating on. I turned in my last chaper on Saturday. I'm not saying it was good... but it was done, and for me right now, that is what counts. I realized though that the three weeks that I have off from classes come July will be basically spent as a full time job researching and fixing up that damned thesis. Why, oh why, did I think this was a good idea? I have to say though, that I really enjoy my topic, which I guess is a blessing. I couldn't imagine working on it as much as I have had to and not enjoy what I'm doing... or maybe enjoy isn't the best word... believe is more like it. I believe that what I'm working on is worth my time.

Let's see, other than that, I've been giving private English classes lately, to try to earn a few extra colons. Its not much, but I guess it pays for an extra hour of tennis per week. Not that I have been playing. I had so much trouble with my back for so long I couldn't play. Now it is finally feeling better again but the guy I play with has been ridiculously busy with a thesis-like project he had to complete in less than a month. I guess I just have to wait until June. Which is only... a week away.

I really wish I had more interesting things to write about... but somehow the time goes by and I have nothing to show for it. What did I do last week? I worked on my thesis like a mad person... that, of course, because I had to turn in a new chapter on Saturday. My Saturday's are finally shorter. My Translation into English class is no longer in-class so I get to come home at 12:30 and relax for the rest of the day. Or... I'm not sure if I'll be relaxing. I tend to get lonely on Saturdays so I suppose I have to find something to do. That's the one blessing about having class all day on the weekend. I don't get lonely because I'm not with my family.

My new roommate is good. She's from Chicago and a Bears fan, which pretty much makes her one of my favourite people right off the bat. Even though she's a little older we get along well so that's a plus. I'm working on being more positive since people have told me I'm way to negative. I guess that's the side-effect of being a cynic. Random thought, I think I might have a cavity. I've been having a lot of shooting pain when I drink or eat cold foods. It's not pleasant.

Anyway there isn't really much of substance to this blog, that's because there really isn't much substance to my life right now. Today I woke up at 9:15, watched the French Open for about three hours, worked on a translation I have to email to a professor on Wednesday, ate lunch with my roommate, showered around 3:30, made coffee and a tortilla before class and went to French at 6. See? Nothing. I'm not lying to you. I might be living in paradise, but my life is anything but exotic.

I got the travel bug again... so I went to Nicaragua

So last week was Semana Santa or Holy Week. Like all the universities in the US we got the entire week off as our "Spring Break" and it was definitely a welcomed break. Classes have been getting me down lately, especially my Friday night Consecutive Interpreting class. By 7 pm I am ready to walk out of the class, walk out of the program, pack up my life and move back home to California. I don't like interpreting. I like translating. I can take my time to find the perfect work or the perfect way to say a sentence in the other language. My Saturday classes aren't that great either. Of my four classes this semester I DESPISE two and TOLERATE the other two. Its just a bad semester overall it seems. So come spring break and I was ready to forget about the university for as long as possible...so my roommate and I headed to Nicaragua.

I can't say I had ever been really interested in traveling to Nicaragua. It wasn't ever on my life of "places to see before I die" but, as I found out in 2007 I have to have a visa to travel to Panama and that visa takes way too much time to get and costs way to much money. Nicaragua, on the other hand, is open to pretty much anyone and me with my South African passport could basically walk right in for 8 US dollars...which ironically turned out to be about the most expensive part of the trip. Of course no one had to tie me up and throw me in the back of the bus either to make me visit Nicaragua. Traveling is in my bones and after about a year of being no where but familiar places, I was dying to experience "new" again, unfamiliar places, unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar cultures. So Tuesday night I was packed and headed out the door with Kristina at around 5 a.m. on Wednesday morning. We got to Nicaragua about 11 hours later with no problems at the border (except maybe the ridiculous amount of people). The trip by bus was long and tiring, but just finally being in a new place gave me energy. We stayed the first night in Managua, the capital, and the next day we took a tour of the "sites-to-see" which didn't turn out to be much. There are basically two parts to Managua: old Managua and new Managua. Old Managua was pretty much destroyed by an earthquake 30 years ago and hasn't ever been rebuilt. New Managua is, well, new and totally Americanized.

As we were site-seeing I was immediately struck by the amount of begging children on the streets: offering to watch parked cars for a small fee, selling flowers and hearts made out of some kind of leaf, or just simply begging for a dollar or even a single córdoba (around 5 cents). To them there was no shame in doing it, and being children I would even venture to say they make a good living out of it, especially when targeting the gringos (Americans).

After Managua, our tour guide took us to Masaya, location of the Masaya Volcano. I guess the glamour of seeing a Volcano dies after the first experience because it really wasn't that exciting and being around the smell of sulfur for even 5 minutes was about enough to kill me. They say the volcano is active though, although it doesn't spew out fire and lava, rather just sulfur smelling steam. After the volcano we drove to a small tranquil town that overlooked the Laguna de Apoyo. Besides having crystal clear blue water, there wasn't much to see, except the beauty of the landscape from up high looking down. Its obviously a spot couples go visit and there were scores of local music groups offering to play a few pieces of Nicaraguan music in exchange for a "donation." We then had lunch at a local restaurant and then made our way to Granada by public transportation, which, as always, was a journey in itself. Our tour guide dropped us off at the "correct" bus stop but after a while of waiting we grew a little uncertain and asked a woman at the stop if we had the right one. Of course, we didn't and she sent us across the round-about to another stop. Right away I asked another lady there if this was the right one, which it was, but as [my] luck would have it, that day there weren't any buses passing through that stop to Granada. She said we would have to take a bus back to Masaya (right were we were to begin with) and from there catch another bus to Granada. Again, she sent us across the round-about. There we waited a good 20 minutes before a bus pulled up, only to be told that although that bus went in the right direction, it detoured off before getting where we needed to be. I could only laugh, really. Not wanting to wait any longer we got on the bus and walked the extra half a kilometer to get where we needed to be. Fortunately, as soon as we arrived the bus for Granada pulled up and 30 minutes later we were in Granada ready to begin our search for a place to stay (every place I had called before going either didn't take reservations or were booked because of Semana Santa). On our third try we got a room. I'm not the hostal type, but when faced with the possibility of not actually finding a place, I sort of sucked it up for two nights and stayed in a private room at the hostel.

I was immediately taken aback by the beauty of Granada, a colonial town. In the main square all the buildings have been recently painted, all in different, bright colours. The main street was paved in coblestone and alive with restaurants, coffee shops, bars, music, and street vendors selling jewelry, ceramics, paintings etc. On Friday we rented bikes and rode down to Lake Nicaragua (so big its practically a sea). Afterwards we walked around the city, got massages, ate local foods, enjoyed the music and street performers throwing fire or breakdancing. I fell in love wiht Granada, there is simply no other way to say it. Being there made me wonder if I've been wasting my time here in Costa Rica, and my money, when I could be using it to travel around central and south America, meeting new people and learning new cultures. There is always so much more to see than the small world that we surround ourselves by.

I was honestly sad to have to leave Nicaragua. I would have loved to stay an extra day to two, gone to the beach and taken a boat tour around the islands in the lake. Fortunately, as cheap as it is, there is always the possibility of going back for even less than it would cost to take a weekend trip to the beach in Costa Rica. A typical meal cost us only $4, and it wasn't a hamburger and fries, but meat, plantains, rice and salad. Hotel rooms cost as little as $20 a person, a frozen cappuccino $1.50 and a back and shoulders masage only $10. Hopefully before I leave here I will be able to make the trip back for another weekend. I now know some Nicaraguans who are already insisting I go back and they'll show me the "real" Nicaragua.

Of course, as the saying goes, all good things have to come to an end, and classes started up again with full force. I had two midterms and two presentations the weekend I got back, with no end in sight really...until the end of June.

Much of nothing...

I guess considering about two months have passed since my last update I should have a lot to write about... but is that the case? I seem to spend all my time doing something, to the point where I even feel like I need more hours in my day... I complain about being too busy, about being stressed, about constantly being tired, but when I look back and try to figure out what I've been doing... well, I really don't do much of anything. Classes are in full swing. I despise two of them and tolerate the other two. If I ever consider a career of Consecutive Interpretation I give whoever reads this full leave to smack me over the head. Oh and of course there is French... What can I say except, why do the French have to make everything so damn complicated? I do, however, understand a good um... 70% of what I read now, so I guess I'm moving forward. Honestly, I've thought of dropping the class, I'm really not learning like I would like to and I'm not putting the time into it that I should (then of course I'm not doing that for my interpretation class either...), but in the end I'm still there... I still go, even if I have a frown on my face. I'm just not the type to give up on a class. Someone knock some sense into me...

I'm also happy to say that my thesis is going well. I turned in my Introductory chapter a few weeks ago and when I got it back the professor only had good things to say! My writing (in Spanish, of course) has matured, I managed to clearly state the objectives of my thesis and she is certain that if I continue writing that way my project will be a success... thanks, señora, for the added pressure. For the last three weeks (ok, ok, one week) I have been working on Chapters 2 and 3. A sociological analysis and the analysis of examples pulled from the translation I did last semester. Tomorrow I present the two chapters to my class, receive their feedback and then I have one week to "perfect" the chapters before turning them in. I guess next week I can look forward to a lovely week locked in the university library writing... I only manage to get work done when I'm there. Its like, in the library Facebook doesn't exist, nor does MSN chat or the internet. I manage to block out distractions and focus. Of course sitting in the library from 9-3 without eating anything is not desireable either.

I've lost weight. I'm not sure how much but when I was at home in December I had lost 8 pounds and people tell me that I've lost more. I saw a guy yesterday I haven't seen in a good few months and the first thing he says to me is: "wow you're too skinny, how much do you weigh?" Um firstly, thanks for the compliment??? Of course there is nothing complimentary about losing weight to ticos. They like their women meaty and I'm well...less meaty than they prefer. Back in 2007 when I put on about 15 pounds thanks to my host mom's delicious cooking, then I was just perfect... of course to me I was just chubby. Now my jeans don't fit my butt and thighs and I've had to poke an extra hole in my two belts. My attempts of fattening up don't work. I can't say I'm happy that I've lost so much weight. I mean I eat well, so I can only assume it has to do with things unrelated to my eating habits... although, honestly, I don't eat as much as I used to. I eat a good breakfast (occasionally) and lunch, but very seldomly do I eat dinner... usually I'll just eat a few pieces of fruit. I don't generally enjoy eating at 8:30/9 pm when I 've gotten home from class.

I turned 25 about three weeks ago. Its amazing how I felt a change from one day to the next haha...even more so than when I turned 21! Okay so maybe not, but I have noticed a change in my attitude. Gradually I have been thinking more about settling down, finding a place I want to live permanently. Its funny to think that when I was younger I had always wanted to be married and have started a family by the time I was 25 and look at me now, what do I have to show for my 25 years? A degree in political science that now I could care less to pursue and one year left until I finish my master's in translation. And it is only now that I have started to wonder if I've been wasting my time, being selfish. In these last three weeks I've thought more about my future than I have practically my whole life. I've thought about where I really want to settle down, and I know it is close to my mom. As much as I love Costa Rica, I can't spend the rest of my life this far away from my family. I consider myself independent, but in the end, once I start a family I want them to have Grandparents, something I never really felt like I had, and never really missed until I've seen now the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren. Latinos are very family oriented and spending time with my best friend and his family has made me want to give that to my future children. Ok, wait... I feel like I'm getting too deep into this right now. Maybe I should save this for another day...

And thus it began...

Two weeks into classes and I'll swear I never even had a 2 month vacation.... There was none of the first day go-over-the-program-and-then-go-home nonsense, and there was DEFINITELY none of the no-homework-on-the-first-day-because-all-we-did-was-go-over-the-program bull. First week, first round of two-and-a-half-hour-long-lectures, first impossible-to-understand readings, and first wreck-my-brain-for-the-right-word translations. And here's an impossible question: how the hell do I translate the compound nouns we can only create in English??? Needless to say, it is 6pm on Saturday and I am exhausted. I can't blame it only on the 9 hours of class I have beginning at 7am, I mean I haven't been able to sleep well for the past two nights because of the wind that howls at my windows, but make no mistake...sitting in class from 7 am to 4:30 pm is excrutiating. At the beginning it sounded nice--class only two days a week and the rest of the time for homework and...fun...but as it turns out, come the end of the weekend all I want to do is rest and homework is the last thing on my agenda...and by last I mean, maybe I'll get to it on Thursday and have to cram everything into two days.


Of course all the "fun" starts this semester with my thesis paper. In two weeks I have to hand in Chapter 1: at least 20 pages of...well I haven't figured that part out yet. What is my chapter one. Here is when I start to wish I had taken the professor's advice six months ago and read more than I stared at a computer screen talking to people online or changing my Facebook status. But eh, we make our choices and we have to live with what comes of them. I'm not stressing out...yet...but all I can say at this point is that it isn't going to be the easy semester I had one year ago, where the beach didn't seem like an impossible dream, when I had visitors and we spent time talking about things OTHER than what the hell I'm going to write about in Chapter 1, when I traveled to other countries and missed class because, well, it was my birthday. I guess in the end all I can be thankful for is that I only have this year left. And what IS left of this year? That would be 279 days, 10 hours, 33 minutes, and 25 seconds, OR 9 months, 6 days, 10 hours, 33 minutes, and 25 seconds OR 39 weeks, 6,706 hours, 402,393 minutes, and 24,143, 605 seconds...and NONE of those makes it feel any shorter. Here's to hoping I make it out alive.


P.S. Side note, just so you know. My birthday is in 21 days :-) At least there IS something to look forward to this year. The big 2-5 :-)

And here we go again...

2/09/2010: Today I saw one of the most amazing sunsets I can remember, and since I've been here I've seen quite a few memorable ones. What is it about a sunset that no matter how many you see, there is still something completely and utterly magestic about it. And today, from high on a mountain, it was just that: magestic. The sun was a deep orange red colour and the sky around it was painted red, orange, pink, and purple. I was mesmerized. How can something so natural, so predicable, take my breath away? And then I know why I love Costa Rica. I'd been forgetting these last three weeks, wishing I could be back in California, wishing the Master's was over or that this year would just magically fly by. I had forgotten the reason why I fell in love with this country back in 2007 and although the people played a big role in that, the beauty of this country did too.

2/11/2010: I made it through my first French class today. There is something so utterly appealing about learning French in Spanish. My mind switches between English and Spanish and as the professor is talking (in Spanish) I noticed I was taking notes in Engish. Then I see French words that are almost, if not completely, identical to ones in English and I write down their definition in Spanish. What will be interesting is when I try to seperate the three languages in my mind. What happens when I get a full handle on French? To what language do I translate? Spanish since that is what I learned French in? Or English since its my mother tough. And if I translate to English will I actually be translating from French to Spanish to English all in my mind? I'm excited really to see what happens. Its an intesive language course focusing more on reading than actually speaking, but I guess I have to start somewhere and this is the only time I could take the course with my host brother. In the end I'm learning French and that makes me happy.

What doesn't make me that happy is that the classes in my Master's degree start tomorrow. Friday from 6-9pm and Saturday from 7am-4pm...No. Fun. But then again I should be almost used to it now since it's basically the same schedule I've had for a whole year now. Although waking up at 5:30 on a Saturday morning is not someone one gets used to easily...Anyway, I'm just hoping on have a good year, that my thesis will not stress me out too much, and that in approximately 10 months I will have my degree en mano. Pray for me.

Home sweet ... Costa Rica

So after almost two months visiting my friends and family in California I am now back in Costa Rica. I definitely had a great trip "home" and it was hard for me to leave. I missed my mom and my black lab, Gus, even before I had touched down in Tico-land. And even though I missed my friends and "tica-families" here when I was back home in CA, I am definitely having mixed feelings about being here. It was amazing having two of my best Costa Rican friends pick me up at the airport and take me out for dinner, but seeing them made me realize I was here...and no longer home. And yet...I am home. I was happy to get back to my apartment and start cleaning and settling myself back in. When I'm here, I miss CA, when I'm in CA, I miss it here. When will I ever be happy?

It has been nice seeing everyone here again...just as it was seeing everyone in California. I've enjoyed cooking again and telling everyone the stories of being back home (although its generally quite short: I didn't do anything, I had no job and I don't have a car anymore...the end.) Quite sad. Anyway in the end I know I'll get settled back in, but part of me was left behind this time...a larger part than before.

Yesterday I found out that my classes don't begin the first week of February like I thought...scratch that...like I was TOLD...they only begin THE SECOND WEEK! That means I have another whole week to occupy myself before classes start. Another whole week to procrastinate getting my translation perfected. Another whole week to wonder every morning what the hell I'm going to be doing with myself that day. Maybe I should take this time to get settled in, get back into my running routine, keep cleaning, and....RELAX because I'll bet you ANYTHING this semester is going to be a killer.