Much of nothing...

I guess considering about two months have passed since my last update I should have a lot to write about... but is that the case? I seem to spend all my time doing something, to the point where I even feel like I need more hours in my day... I complain about being too busy, about being stressed, about constantly being tired, but when I look back and try to figure out what I've been doing... well, I really don't do much of anything. Classes are in full swing. I despise two of them and tolerate the other two. If I ever consider a career of Consecutive Interpretation I give whoever reads this full leave to smack me over the head. Oh and of course there is French... What can I say except, why do the French have to make everything so damn complicated? I do, however, understand a good um... 70% of what I read now, so I guess I'm moving forward. Honestly, I've thought of dropping the class, I'm really not learning like I would like to and I'm not putting the time into it that I should (then of course I'm not doing that for my interpretation class either...), but in the end I'm still there... I still go, even if I have a frown on my face. I'm just not the type to give up on a class. Someone knock some sense into me...

I'm also happy to say that my thesis is going well. I turned in my Introductory chapter a few weeks ago and when I got it back the professor only had good things to say! My writing (in Spanish, of course) has matured, I managed to clearly state the objectives of my thesis and she is certain that if I continue writing that way my project will be a success... thanks, señora, for the added pressure. For the last three weeks (ok, ok, one week) I have been working on Chapters 2 and 3. A sociological analysis and the analysis of examples pulled from the translation I did last semester. Tomorrow I present the two chapters to my class, receive their feedback and then I have one week to "perfect" the chapters before turning them in. I guess next week I can look forward to a lovely week locked in the university library writing... I only manage to get work done when I'm there. Its like, in the library Facebook doesn't exist, nor does MSN chat or the internet. I manage to block out distractions and focus. Of course sitting in the library from 9-3 without eating anything is not desireable either.

I've lost weight. I'm not sure how much but when I was at home in December I had lost 8 pounds and people tell me that I've lost more. I saw a guy yesterday I haven't seen in a good few months and the first thing he says to me is: "wow you're too skinny, how much do you weigh?" Um firstly, thanks for the compliment??? Of course there is nothing complimentary about losing weight to ticos. They like their women meaty and I'm well...less meaty than they prefer. Back in 2007 when I put on about 15 pounds thanks to my host mom's delicious cooking, then I was just perfect... of course to me I was just chubby. Now my jeans don't fit my butt and thighs and I've had to poke an extra hole in my two belts. My attempts of fattening up don't work. I can't say I'm happy that I've lost so much weight. I mean I eat well, so I can only assume it has to do with things unrelated to my eating habits... although, honestly, I don't eat as much as I used to. I eat a good breakfast (occasionally) and lunch, but very seldomly do I eat dinner... usually I'll just eat a few pieces of fruit. I don't generally enjoy eating at 8:30/9 pm when I 've gotten home from class.

I turned 25 about three weeks ago. Its amazing how I felt a change from one day to the next haha...even more so than when I turned 21! Okay so maybe not, but I have noticed a change in my attitude. Gradually I have been thinking more about settling down, finding a place I want to live permanently. Its funny to think that when I was younger I had always wanted to be married and have started a family by the time I was 25 and look at me now, what do I have to show for my 25 years? A degree in political science that now I could care less to pursue and one year left until I finish my master's in translation. And it is only now that I have started to wonder if I've been wasting my time, being selfish. In these last three weeks I've thought more about my future than I have practically my whole life. I've thought about where I really want to settle down, and I know it is close to my mom. As much as I love Costa Rica, I can't spend the rest of my life this far away from my family. I consider myself independent, but in the end, once I start a family I want them to have Grandparents, something I never really felt like I had, and never really missed until I've seen now the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren. Latinos are very family oriented and spending time with my best friend and his family has made me want to give that to my future children. Ok, wait... I feel like I'm getting too deep into this right now. Maybe I should save this for another day...

And thus it began...

Two weeks into classes and I'll swear I never even had a 2 month vacation.... There was none of the first day go-over-the-program-and-then-go-home nonsense, and there was DEFINITELY none of the no-homework-on-the-first-day-because-all-we-did-was-go-over-the-program bull. First week, first round of two-and-a-half-hour-long-lectures, first impossible-to-understand readings, and first wreck-my-brain-for-the-right-word translations. And here's an impossible question: how the hell do I translate the compound nouns we can only create in English??? Needless to say, it is 6pm on Saturday and I am exhausted. I can't blame it only on the 9 hours of class I have beginning at 7am, I mean I haven't been able to sleep well for the past two nights because of the wind that howls at my windows, but make no mistake...sitting in class from 7 am to 4:30 pm is excrutiating. At the beginning it sounded nice--class only two days a week and the rest of the time for homework and...fun...but as it turns out, come the end of the weekend all I want to do is rest and homework is the last thing on my agenda...and by last I mean, maybe I'll get to it on Thursday and have to cram everything into two days.


Of course all the "fun" starts this semester with my thesis paper. In two weeks I have to hand in Chapter 1: at least 20 pages of...well I haven't figured that part out yet. What is my chapter one. Here is when I start to wish I had taken the professor's advice six months ago and read more than I stared at a computer screen talking to people online or changing my Facebook status. But eh, we make our choices and we have to live with what comes of them. I'm not stressing out...yet...but all I can say at this point is that it isn't going to be the easy semester I had one year ago, where the beach didn't seem like an impossible dream, when I had visitors and we spent time talking about things OTHER than what the hell I'm going to write about in Chapter 1, when I traveled to other countries and missed class because, well, it was my birthday. I guess in the end all I can be thankful for is that I only have this year left. And what IS left of this year? That would be 279 days, 10 hours, 33 minutes, and 25 seconds, OR 9 months, 6 days, 10 hours, 33 minutes, and 25 seconds OR 39 weeks, 6,706 hours, 402,393 minutes, and 24,143, 605 seconds...and NONE of those makes it feel any shorter. Here's to hoping I make it out alive.


P.S. Side note, just so you know. My birthday is in 21 days :-) At least there IS something to look forward to this year. The big 2-5 :-)

And here we go again...

2/09/2010: Today I saw one of the most amazing sunsets I can remember, and since I've been here I've seen quite a few memorable ones. What is it about a sunset that no matter how many you see, there is still something completely and utterly magestic about it. And today, from high on a mountain, it was just that: magestic. The sun was a deep orange red colour and the sky around it was painted red, orange, pink, and purple. I was mesmerized. How can something so natural, so predicable, take my breath away? And then I know why I love Costa Rica. I'd been forgetting these last three weeks, wishing I could be back in California, wishing the Master's was over or that this year would just magically fly by. I had forgotten the reason why I fell in love with this country back in 2007 and although the people played a big role in that, the beauty of this country did too.

2/11/2010: I made it through my first French class today. There is something so utterly appealing about learning French in Spanish. My mind switches between English and Spanish and as the professor is talking (in Spanish) I noticed I was taking notes in Engish. Then I see French words that are almost, if not completely, identical to ones in English and I write down their definition in Spanish. What will be interesting is when I try to seperate the three languages in my mind. What happens when I get a full handle on French? To what language do I translate? Spanish since that is what I learned French in? Or English since its my mother tough. And if I translate to English will I actually be translating from French to Spanish to English all in my mind? I'm excited really to see what happens. Its an intesive language course focusing more on reading than actually speaking, but I guess I have to start somewhere and this is the only time I could take the course with my host brother. In the end I'm learning French and that makes me happy.

What doesn't make me that happy is that the classes in my Master's degree start tomorrow. Friday from 6-9pm and Saturday from 7am-4pm...No. Fun. But then again I should be almost used to it now since it's basically the same schedule I've had for a whole year now. Although waking up at 5:30 on a Saturday morning is not someone one gets used to easily...Anyway, I'm just hoping on have a good year, that my thesis will not stress me out too much, and that in approximately 10 months I will have my degree en mano. Pray for me.

Home sweet ... Costa Rica

So after almost two months visiting my friends and family in California I am now back in Costa Rica. I definitely had a great trip "home" and it was hard for me to leave. I missed my mom and my black lab, Gus, even before I had touched down in Tico-land. And even though I missed my friends and "tica-families" here when I was back home in CA, I am definitely having mixed feelings about being here. It was amazing having two of my best Costa Rican friends pick me up at the airport and take me out for dinner, but seeing them made me realize I was here...and no longer home. And yet...I am home. I was happy to get back to my apartment and start cleaning and settling myself back in. When I'm here, I miss CA, when I'm in CA, I miss it here. When will I ever be happy?

It has been nice seeing everyone here again...just as it was seeing everyone in California. I've enjoyed cooking again and telling everyone the stories of being back home (although its generally quite short: I didn't do anything, I had no job and I don't have a car anymore...the end.) Quite sad. Anyway in the end I know I'll get settled back in, but part of me was left behind this time...a larger part than before.

Yesterday I found out that my classes don't begin the first week of February like I thought...scratch that...like I was TOLD...they only begin THE SECOND WEEK! That means I have another whole week to occupy myself before classes start. Another whole week to procrastinate getting my translation perfected. Another whole week to wonder every morning what the hell I'm going to be doing with myself that day. Maybe I should take this time to get settled in, get back into my running routine, keep cleaning, and....RELAX because I'll bet you ANYTHING this semester is going to be a killer.

The devil always gets you when you're down...

I swear it feels like just yesterday that I was in Las Vegas bringing in the new year with my little sister and one of her best friends...just yesterday I was standing there saying "Oh crap here we go, another year just beginning...another full 12 months to go through"...and then...BAM...its the middle of January. January 15 is only...3 hours away. What is this? Where are the years going? I was walking with my brother yesterday and he asked me where the Rams are now, I answered St. Louis, why? He said it was because there was a bumper sticker on a car that said the Los Angeles Rams but he knew that they weren't in Los Angeles anymore. I couldn't tell him when they moved but I said that car could be like 12 years old...and then I realized 12 years ago was only 1998 and that car was from waaaaay in the '80s I'm sure. Anyway the entire point of that story was to say when did the first decade of the 21 century pass? I rememeber my high school graduation like it was just a couple of years ago...being so excited to FINALLY be out and moving on to college. That was 6 years ago. I remember August of that year being so nervous and excited to move away from home thinking how long the next four years at Mars Hill would feel. And then, before I knew it, I had graduated. Almost two years ago now.

And as I sit here waiting for sleep to come over me (I should probably get off of the computer for that....) I think to myself that already in these 15 days of 2010, I have had one of the worst years I can remember. On January 1st I brought the new year in with a speeding ticket, which, thanks to the 1. overworked police department and 2. amount of speeders on the road will not be posted for around 21 days during which time I can do NOTHING to get it taken care of. Unfortunately I will be in Costa Rica when the time comes that they get around to establishing the fine and I have no way to go to court and argue that I really wasn't speeding and see if they will lower it. Anyway, lovely. Then a couple days later the computer that I had already sent into HP Technical Support for a major problem starts acting up again...WITH THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM. Of course I don't have to reiterate that I will be in Costa Rica in two days so couldn't send it BACK to HP for them to again, do nothing with it and hope the problem goes away by itself. And the worst of it all? I was selling the computer so I NEEDED it to be working 100%. So about 5 calls to tech support and 3 pit stops to repair centers later, no one could do a damn thing and it was I who came up with the idea of how to narrow the problem down and it will probably be....ME....who ends up fixing it. Got to love the support service system in the United States. Ok, well as if THAT isn't enough. I'm already tired, angry, upset, stressed, you name it, and I get in the car to go pick my mom up for lunch and BAM, not kidding, the car won't start. An hour earlier it was working just fine, not even a hint of a problem, and then just as if a light had been turned off, the car would not start. When I get frustrated I cry. And yesterday I must have cried for at least 6 of my waking hours. When life hands you lemons....

And here I am, one day later and I'm still really not over it. Sure I'm not crying, or frustrated, but it just makes me have to laugh...no it just amazes me, depresses me, you name it, to think that when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. But then look at it from another angle. A friend of mine hit it on the nail: my year can only get better from here on out...my karma depends on it! :-)

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."

Thought processes...

So I'm back. And with the same story to tell. So much for the fun exotic life south of the border. The last time I've actually seen real beach sand was oh, May? I can't even say with certainty that the sun has come out lately becasue I've spent approximately 90% of my time cooped up in front of the computer translating a book that makes no sense. Is this where I start second guessing my choices? Ok, I'm still happy I decided to come down here to study, but why, OH WHY, did I choose to translate Yolanda Oreamuno into English, when it takes a philosopher to truly understand what she is saying in Spanish. I'm an overachiever, thats why. I think its about time I stopped that nonsense. No but seriously, besides the lack of any sort of vacation (even for a day) in the past 4 months, besides the fact that I have never felt so overwhelmed and tired of studying in my life, besides the fact that I still have 5 weeks to go of this, besides the fact that now I am experiencing homesickness, I still love it here. I still enjoy the program and I am still learning more about translation each day. However, I truly believe the only reason I am still here, and will still come back in January after my long needed, long awaited vacation, is because I only have one year left. I'm be an idiot to give up now, right? Besides...I'm not a quitter. I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed, lonely, lazy, lethargic, depressed even, but I'm not a quitter. One year. Its not so bad.

I have rediscoverd the genius that is Damien Rice these last few days. How I missed his incredible lyrics before I'll never know. I can sit and listen to Cannonball for hours on repeat without growing tired. In fact I'm going to play it on right now..."Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth..." It never ceases to amaze me how there are songs that cut right down to the core of a person without one realizing. It just takes one new experience and a song can mean something totally different than just a few days before.

I'm getting a roommate. That is honestly the most exciting news I've had to tell since my trip to the Dominican Republic back in April, well or maybe my trip back to North Carolina for Carlee's wedding in June. I guess that was quite exciting too. Anyway, back to the roommate. I started looking about two months ago I suppose and although people called, there was always some reason they didn't work out. But I guess in the end it was part of God's plan because the girl that called is awesome. We have about everything in common, she lives in San Diego, so basically I'm already jealous of her, and she plays tennis. Practically from the night she first came over we got along so I'm very excited about her moving in. It will be like having my girls close again, only, she's new and we're a lot alike, which I could really only ever say about Carlee I suppose. But who wants only friends that are the same in all aspects. How boring that would make life. Lauren, Char'Lee, Carlee and I were so different in so many aspects but we complemented each other and that is what made it and still makes it work. We were the complete package, everything from hair colour down to personality.

I really need to go back to the gym. It has now been over two months since I've even gone for a run and I'm feeling it. My shoulders are tense and I'm cranky. The gym and even just running always makes me feel good about myself. I'll start again soon, I know I will, I just need to get the energy and that will come the day I finally finish this semester. Then I think, hey, if this one was so bad, only my second semester of grad school, what will the next to be like. Better to not think of that right now. I feel it though when I go and play tennis, or when I throw the football for long periods of time. P.S. I've totally learned how to spiral a football perfectly. So pretty. But after about 30 minutes my arm wants to fall off. After 30 minutes of tennis I feel like a 50 year old smoker. I can't breath, my legs hurt, and I can't lift my arm over my head to serve anymore. Man I sound like I'm 50. What happened to me. 24 has caught up on me. Only 5 more months until I'm 25. 5 more months until I won't be cheated out of another $20 a day just to rent a car to visit the loves of my life in N.C. That is a day I am looking forward too.

And maybe New Years. Should I be excited for New Years? Can you believe its only two months away? Where did 2009 go? Last New Years I was in California. I went to eat with Julie, Kathy and...Justin...I think we ate at CPK? Maybe. I remember not even being excited as midnight struck. I think I said, yay now I can go to bed. I'm only 24 and yet I sound like I'm ready to kick it. I need some spark in my life. A reason to get excited again. I need a new adventure. A new interest. A new obsession. And I need a vacation. The beach. The sun. A book. And my iPod. Maybe I'll dream about that tonight...