And here we go again...

2/09/2010: Today I saw one of the most amazing sunsets I can remember, and since I've been here I've seen quite a few memorable ones. What is it about a sunset that no matter how many you see, there is still something completely and utterly magestic about it. And today, from high on a mountain, it was just that: magestic. The sun was a deep orange red colour and the sky around it was painted red, orange, pink, and purple. I was mesmerized. How can something so natural, so predicable, take my breath away? And then I know why I love Costa Rica. I'd been forgetting these last three weeks, wishing I could be back in California, wishing the Master's was over or that this year would just magically fly by. I had forgotten the reason why I fell in love with this country back in 2007 and although the people played a big role in that, the beauty of this country did too.

2/11/2010: I made it through my first French class today. There is something so utterly appealing about learning French in Spanish. My mind switches between English and Spanish and as the professor is talking (in Spanish) I noticed I was taking notes in Engish. Then I see French words that are almost, if not completely, identical to ones in English and I write down their definition in Spanish. What will be interesting is when I try to seperate the three languages in my mind. What happens when I get a full handle on French? To what language do I translate? Spanish since that is what I learned French in? Or English since its my mother tough. And if I translate to English will I actually be translating from French to Spanish to English all in my mind? I'm excited really to see what happens. Its an intesive language course focusing more on reading than actually speaking, but I guess I have to start somewhere and this is the only time I could take the course with my host brother. In the end I'm learning French and that makes me happy.

What doesn't make me that happy is that the classes in my Master's degree start tomorrow. Friday from 6-9pm and Saturday from 7am-4pm...No. Fun. But then again I should be almost used to it now since it's basically the same schedule I've had for a whole year now. Although waking up at 5:30 on a Saturday morning is not someone one gets used to easily...Anyway, I'm just hoping on have a good year, that my thesis will not stress me out too much, and that in approximately 10 months I will have my degree en mano. Pray for me.

Home sweet ... Costa Rica

So after almost two months visiting my friends and family in California I am now back in Costa Rica. I definitely had a great trip "home" and it was hard for me to leave. I missed my mom and my black lab, Gus, even before I had touched down in Tico-land. And even though I missed my friends and "tica-families" here when I was back home in CA, I am definitely having mixed feelings about being here. It was amazing having two of my best Costa Rican friends pick me up at the airport and take me out for dinner, but seeing them made me realize I was here...and no longer home. And yet...I am home. I was happy to get back to my apartment and start cleaning and settling myself back in. When I'm here, I miss CA, when I'm in CA, I miss it here. When will I ever be happy?

It has been nice seeing everyone here again...just as it was seeing everyone in California. I've enjoyed cooking again and telling everyone the stories of being back home (although its generally quite short: I didn't do anything, I had no job and I don't have a car anymore...the end.) Quite sad. Anyway in the end I know I'll get settled back in, but part of me was left behind this time...a larger part than before.

Yesterday I found out that my classes don't begin the first week of February like I thought...scratch that...like I was TOLD...they only begin THE SECOND WEEK! That means I have another whole week to occupy myself before classes start. Another whole week to procrastinate getting my translation perfected. Another whole week to wonder every morning what the hell I'm going to be doing with myself that day. Maybe I should take this time to get settled in, get back into my running routine, keep cleaning, and....RELAX because I'll bet you ANYTHING this semester is going to be a killer.

The devil always gets you when you're down...

I swear it feels like just yesterday that I was in Las Vegas bringing in the new year with my little sister and one of her best friends...just yesterday I was standing there saying "Oh crap here we go, another year just beginning...another full 12 months to go through"...and then...BAM...its the middle of January. January 15 is only...3 hours away. What is this? Where are the years going? I was walking with my brother yesterday and he asked me where the Rams are now, I answered St. Louis, why? He said it was because there was a bumper sticker on a car that said the Los Angeles Rams but he knew that they weren't in Los Angeles anymore. I couldn't tell him when they moved but I said that car could be like 12 years old...and then I realized 12 years ago was only 1998 and that car was from waaaaay in the '80s I'm sure. Anyway the entire point of that story was to say when did the first decade of the 21 century pass? I rememeber my high school graduation like it was just a couple of years ago...being so excited to FINALLY be out and moving on to college. That was 6 years ago. I remember August of that year being so nervous and excited to move away from home thinking how long the next four years at Mars Hill would feel. And then, before I knew it, I had graduated. Almost two years ago now.

And as I sit here waiting for sleep to come over me (I should probably get off of the computer for that....) I think to myself that already in these 15 days of 2010, I have had one of the worst years I can remember. On January 1st I brought the new year in with a speeding ticket, which, thanks to the 1. overworked police department and 2. amount of speeders on the road will not be posted for around 21 days during which time I can do NOTHING to get it taken care of. Unfortunately I will be in Costa Rica when the time comes that they get around to establishing the fine and I have no way to go to court and argue that I really wasn't speeding and see if they will lower it. Anyway, lovely. Then a couple days later the computer that I had already sent into HP Technical Support for a major problem starts acting up again...WITH THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM. Of course I don't have to reiterate that I will be in Costa Rica in two days so couldn't send it BACK to HP for them to again, do nothing with it and hope the problem goes away by itself. And the worst of it all? I was selling the computer so I NEEDED it to be working 100%. So about 5 calls to tech support and 3 pit stops to repair centers later, no one could do a damn thing and it was I who came up with the idea of how to narrow the problem down and it will probably be....ME....who ends up fixing it. Got to love the support service system in the United States. Ok, well as if THAT isn't enough. I'm already tired, angry, upset, stressed, you name it, and I get in the car to go pick my mom up for lunch and BAM, not kidding, the car won't start. An hour earlier it was working just fine, not even a hint of a problem, and then just as if a light had been turned off, the car would not start. When I get frustrated I cry. And yesterday I must have cried for at least 6 of my waking hours. When life hands you lemons....

And here I am, one day later and I'm still really not over it. Sure I'm not crying, or frustrated, but it just makes me have to laugh...no it just amazes me, depresses me, you name it, to think that when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. But then look at it from another angle. A friend of mine hit it on the nail: my year can only get better from here on out...my karma depends on it! :-)

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."

Thought processes...

So I'm back. And with the same story to tell. So much for the fun exotic life south of the border. The last time I've actually seen real beach sand was oh, May? I can't even say with certainty that the sun has come out lately becasue I've spent approximately 90% of my time cooped up in front of the computer translating a book that makes no sense. Is this where I start second guessing my choices? Ok, I'm still happy I decided to come down here to study, but why, OH WHY, did I choose to translate Yolanda Oreamuno into English, when it takes a philosopher to truly understand what she is saying in Spanish. I'm an overachiever, thats why. I think its about time I stopped that nonsense. No but seriously, besides the lack of any sort of vacation (even for a day) in the past 4 months, besides the fact that I have never felt so overwhelmed and tired of studying in my life, besides the fact that I still have 5 weeks to go of this, besides the fact that now I am experiencing homesickness, I still love it here. I still enjoy the program and I am still learning more about translation each day. However, I truly believe the only reason I am still here, and will still come back in January after my long needed, long awaited vacation, is because I only have one year left. I'm be an idiot to give up now, right? Besides...I'm not a quitter. I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed, lonely, lazy, lethargic, depressed even, but I'm not a quitter. One year. Its not so bad.

I have rediscoverd the genius that is Damien Rice these last few days. How I missed his incredible lyrics before I'll never know. I can sit and listen to Cannonball for hours on repeat without growing tired. In fact I'm going to play it on right now..."Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth..." It never ceases to amaze me how there are songs that cut right down to the core of a person without one realizing. It just takes one new experience and a song can mean something totally different than just a few days before.

I'm getting a roommate. That is honestly the most exciting news I've had to tell since my trip to the Dominican Republic back in April, well or maybe my trip back to North Carolina for Carlee's wedding in June. I guess that was quite exciting too. Anyway, back to the roommate. I started looking about two months ago I suppose and although people called, there was always some reason they didn't work out. But I guess in the end it was part of God's plan because the girl that called is awesome. We have about everything in common, she lives in San Diego, so basically I'm already jealous of her, and she plays tennis. Practically from the night she first came over we got along so I'm very excited about her moving in. It will be like having my girls close again, only, she's new and we're a lot alike, which I could really only ever say about Carlee I suppose. But who wants only friends that are the same in all aspects. How boring that would make life. Lauren, Char'Lee, Carlee and I were so different in so many aspects but we complemented each other and that is what made it and still makes it work. We were the complete package, everything from hair colour down to personality.

I really need to go back to the gym. It has now been over two months since I've even gone for a run and I'm feeling it. My shoulders are tense and I'm cranky. The gym and even just running always makes me feel good about myself. I'll start again soon, I know I will, I just need to get the energy and that will come the day I finally finish this semester. Then I think, hey, if this one was so bad, only my second semester of grad school, what will the next to be like. Better to not think of that right now. I feel it though when I go and play tennis, or when I throw the football for long periods of time. P.S. I've totally learned how to spiral a football perfectly. So pretty. But after about 30 minutes my arm wants to fall off. After 30 minutes of tennis I feel like a 50 year old smoker. I can't breath, my legs hurt, and I can't lift my arm over my head to serve anymore. Man I sound like I'm 50. What happened to me. 24 has caught up on me. Only 5 more months until I'm 25. 5 more months until I won't be cheated out of another $20 a day just to rent a car to visit the loves of my life in N.C. That is a day I am looking forward too.

And maybe New Years. Should I be excited for New Years? Can you believe its only two months away? Where did 2009 go? Last New Years I was in California. I went to eat with Julie, Kathy and...Justin...I think we ate at CPK? Maybe. I remember not even being excited as midnight struck. I think I said, yay now I can go to bed. I'm only 24 and yet I sound like I'm ready to kick it. I need some spark in my life. A reason to get excited again. I need a new adventure. A new interest. A new obsession. And I need a vacation. The beach. The sun. A book. And my iPod. Maybe I'll dream about that tonight...

10 minutes to breathe...

I can't really say how long it has been since there was an update on my life...I can't really remember when the last thing happened that was worth updating. Sad, isn't it? To be honest this is practically the first time in weeks that I've even thought about being able to sit down and reminisce about things that happened that were worth sharing. My life has been one constant GO, no time to breathe. Between my thesis translation and translations for my cultural and technical classes I have zero time. It is so bad I even wake myself up at 7:30 am so that I can be working by 8. I never thought grad school would be easy...but then I never thought it would be this totally draining either.

As I'm sitting here now, Jack Johnson serenading me from iTunes and the sound of the Giants/Cowboys game in the background I realize just how little I have been able to do. Last night I went to the movies with my tico brother...the first time I've seen him in probably 3 weeks or a month. I haven't made it back to Barva for a good length of time in even longer than that. I haven't seen the coast of Costa Rica since um...May. I need a vacation. Bad. And yet, here I am...still going...already looking forward to the 2nd of December. Not even the 28th of November (when classes end)...why doesn't the thought of not having any more homework excite me? No, I'm more excited about the day when I get to leave and go home...to see Mom and Gus, family, friends...I need a breather. Thankfully this coming weekend I have no classes...just a conference I'm obligated to go to. Boring yes, but that means I have no specific homework due this weekend...and yet, still, the only thing I can think of going...keep going...keep translating...get ahead of the game...and maybe by November things will calm down. It's in my head now. I don't even remember how to relax.

Besides the piles of translations I have due for classes, I have a few paid one's to get finished too. No, I'm not complaining, but one has most definitely been the most challenging one I have done so far. Technical gun terminology into Spanish is not my thing. I have learned a few things, like, what a hopper is or a slide check, even an open bolt blow-back...now ask me how to translate them, and I'm still clueless. And the worst part is, everything has a due date...and it comes a lot faster than I always hope.

Other news...I am moving...again. In June I moved into an apartment in Heredia from my house in Barva. Now I am moving from my apartment in Heredia to another apartment three blocks away. I was speaking with a friend of mine one day about where I lived, live etc. and she said "don't you want a roommate"...turns out I was just starting to look for one so it worked out perfectly. She was going to move in here, but my apartment is furnished, and she already had everything, so we looked for another unfurnished apartment and are moving in there together. She's there now, while I'm sitting here nostalgically, staring at bare walls and remember the pictures I had up just hours ago. Packing. I am always packing. Always leaving. I love it and I hate it. I'm moving to an apartment that isn't as nice as the one I have now, not as new, or as bright, but it is cheaper and I won't be lonely anymore. I will finally be able to plan my trips to Panama and Nicaragua and apply for my visas because I will have money to save. I think that is what really made me decide to move. I had originally said I wouldn't move unless I found an apartment that I loved as much as this one and was a lot cheaper. Impossible. But then I started thinking about my dreams of traveling and how staying here there is no money for that. The thought of visiting Panama trumps the luxuriousness of this apartment and so, yesterday I said I would move. And tomorrow I have to be out. Another rush. Another day of only GO.

To a point GO is good. It keeps me occupied. It keeps my mind off the guy that didn't work out after 7 months "together" or the fact that I spend most of my time alone (its a catch-22...I like being alone so I can get my work done, but I focus on my work so as not to miss company). And it keeps my mind focused on my future and the day I finally get to go home and establish a life for myself as a translator with a master's degree...its all worth it in the end...I just have to get there.

A semester from...hell...

So another semester has started and man, did it start with a vengeance. Homework from the first two days consisted of reading over 150 pages, answer questions and do research on research topics related to translation, plus then still read another entire book on which I had to write a book review for the following week. Needless to say my social life did not exist. From the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep I was reading, taking breaks only to cook food and drink coffee...even then sometimes with the book in my hand. "If this is an example of how the semester is going to be," I thought, "I don't know if I'll get out alive..." Fortunately though, yes, although this semester is going to be killer, it seems maybe the first week was an exception. Or maybe now I've just realized how to manage my time better with all the reading? Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. Either way, I'll make it, even if barely, but I'll get through.

Interestingly enough, this semester I start to work on my thesis, for which I have chosen a 400 page novel written by a Costa Rican feminist during the 1940s. The book is riddled with metaphores on the oppressed situation of women during the era which I think would be very interesting to analize. We'll see. I have spent this entire week reading the book, and have thoroughly enjoyed it. Luckily we didn't have classes this Saturday due to it being Mother's Day here in Costa Rica, so I was able to forget all the other homework and focus my attention solely on reading the book and deciding if it will work for my proposed thesis. Fortunately I only have to translate about 80 pages of the book, so I get to select my chapters, but in the future I would love to translate the entire book...maybe for publication??? Anyway, here I go getting ahead of myself....I think I will really enjoy my classes this semester. Theories of translation might be the only exception...its not as interesting as Translation of Technical texts or Translation of Literature, but I guess in the end, just as necessary. Of the four professors I had last semester, two are the same and two are new this time around. The two I know were both my least favourite from last semester, but now I'm realizing I think it was more for the subject than the professor...

Yesterday which was Mother's day, I went to visit Nela in Barva and to have lunch with her and all of her sisters and their families. It is a tradition I remember from when I was here in 2007, every Mother's day the whole family goes over to one of the sister's houses for lunch, coffee and cake. I hadn't seen the whole family in a while since I moved to my own apartment in Heredia so I first had to deal with all the "welcome back to the family" and "how have you been, how's life" questions. In the end though I had a great time seeing everyone again, and the cake...well yum...

Other than spending my time doing homework and having zero fun, I'm super excited that the NFL is about to begin again. It is honestly the longest wait ever from the end of one season until the start of another. The Bears lost their first preseason game to the Bills, not great, but then again it is only preseason. I get such hell here for going with the Bears "they're such a bad team, why not support someone that has a chance of winning?" But really I mean I learned to watch and understand American football watching the Bears, I'll be loyal until the day I die. But other than the escape this NFL season will bring me, and the few games of Liverpool that I will be able to catch the next four months are going to consist of a lot of boring homework....here's to the life of a grad student....