The Conclusions I Draw

Today I had a brilliant epiphany, which I shared with everyone on Facebook, but that I feel deserves a more in depth look at what brought about this realization.

My epiphany: I need a personal driver.

Now, before I begin I would like to mention, that up until this point, I’ve been doing very well with my New Year’s Resolution to be more optimistic. My complaining has been kept to a minimum (at least the complaining I do out loud) and after 19 days of taking everything in stride, I decided to give myself a break. A hiatus, as you will, from my resolution to bitch for just a moment about, you guessed it, idiot drivers.

I would like to begin by saying: I completely understand how people can get to the point that they pull out a gun and shoot someone on the highway. If you don’t, my question to you is, have you ever driven in North Carolina?

The 15 minutes I spend driving from home to work in the morning sets my mood for the entire day, and week if it’s a Monday. Most of you know me as a hot head, a stereotypical redhead with a short fuse. Put me in a car and that fuse becomes even shorter.

Things that especially annoy me:

1. Drivers slamming on their breaks for no apparent reason. It’s as if they’re thinking, “I’m bored, let me play a game with the driver behind me. I’m going to slam my breaks and see if they’re paying attention.” Screech! Psych! “Hahaha!”
2. People driving speed limit when EVERYONE else around them is going 5 or 10 over. Its not illegal if EVERYONE is doing it people! [Okay, maybe that is only my interpretation of it, but seriously, if everyone is doing 55 in a 45 which car is the police going to stop?] None, except maybe yours, idiot, for pissing everyone around you off.
3. Drivers that STOP at a YIELD when there are NO ONCOMING CARS. If it were meant to be a place of stopping, the sign would say STOP, and it wouldn’t be a triangle, it would be an octagon, and then you’d see EVERYONE stopping at it. And I mean, come on, if there is a special lane for you to drive into without harming any other car around you, why on earth would you stop? Please, please, explain this to me so that I may understand what goes through you mind as you sit there.
4. Cars running red lights. I have lived in who knows how many cities in my 27 years (almost) of existence, and I can honestly say, I have NEVER experienced it quite like here in Greensboro. There are 3 or 4 stoplights that are run by at least 3 consecutive cars once it has ALREADY gone red. Where are the cops when you need them?
5. Drivers that see a police car and slow down so that they never overtake him. News flash: It’s not illegal to overtake a policeman. I bet they’re even a little impressed when they find someone with enough nerve to do it.
6. Drivers that fly by you, move over into your lane, THEN SLOW DOWN. Don’t get me started on this. I’m already angry just thinking about it.
7. Slow drivers in my lane. Um… I mean… in the left hand lane. Hell, it may as well be my lane, the only time I drive in one of the other lanes is to overtake the slow idiot in front of me in the fast lane!

Quite a long list, isn’t it? And therefore, my epiphany: If I were in the back seat of the car, not paying attention to the idiocracies going on in the roadways around me, would I get so angry? Would I be yelling at the top of my lungs after only 5 minutes of leaving my house? Would my entire day be ruined because it started off on the wrong foot?

Patience is a virtue. A virtue I do not possess on my best of days and a virtue I have no conception of when I’m behind the wheel of a car.

Now, only to make enough money to hire a driver to chauffer me around the city. I wonder, does the cool black car with the tinted windows come standard with the driver, or do I need to get my own one of those too? :-P