It never ceases to suprise me how quickly time goes by. When did a 24 hour day cease to be 24 hours? Or a 7 day week, 7 days? After a fairly lengthy trip to the States to visit my friends and family I have returned to Costa Rica to begin semester dos of my Master's degree. I'm a little suprised at how my feelings have changed in the past 26 days since leaving, or for that matter for the past year and a half since I first left in December of 2007. I was in love with the country and all I could think about was coming back, for whatever reason. As luck had it (and maybe I shouldn't call it luck because I have zero luck) but I found the exact Master's degree I wanted to do at the same university I had studied at in 2007 but for about $10,000 cheaper (an exaggeration? I think not). I had Costa Rica in my system and I wouldn't be happy until it was out. That being said I don't think I ever really had the intention of staying here permanently. Yes, part of me could live here, but the other part is way too in love with San Diego...I first need to get THAT out of my system.
I'm a wonderer. Well, and a wanderer. I get bored in one place for too long and begin to wonder what living in another place would be like. I get urges to pack up and discover something new. There is one downside to this of course, I have to leave everything or everyone I have for the unknown. Everytime I go home now, leaving becomes that much harder. I cannot express how much love and respect I have for my best girl friends, but its not even them I am truly upset over leaving. I guess in our hearts we all knew we would go our seperate ways after college, and even though we're seperated by long periods and even longer distances when we see each other it is as if we were together all our lives. What really upsets me is leaving Mom and Gus, my black lab. I become plagued with guilt, he doesn't know what is happening. He doesn't understand where I'm going, only that I'm abandoning him again. Whenever I pack bags he knows its coming, and it breaks my heart. He is older now, and I wonder what if I'm not there for him when he becomes sick...what if I miss him...I'm not generally such a depressed thinker, but it has been so lately.
Maybe its the lack of caffeine. I have been ordered by my doctor to lay off of caffeine and chocolate until at least December, and it is killing me. I tried going cold turkey, but the headaches that ensued were too much to handle, so I got back on the juice and am trying to quit slowly...for now only one cup in the morning, next week, I'll mix regular and decaf, then only decaf? What is the point of drinking coffee sans caffeine? But I like the taste...its habit...its...comfort. It makes waking up at 5:30am on a Saturday for class just that much bearable...for that matter it makes waking up at 7:30am for no reason every other day of the week that much manageable.
Today I woke up at 7:30am annoyed by the sound of running water coming from the laundry room of the house next door. The splatter of the water on the concrete steps sends shivers down my spine. Instead of immediately turning on the TV to ESPN en español I decided to go for a run...I mean if I'm up that early I might as well make hay while the sun shines. To my disgust it was not a good run. The fact that I'm practically living on a mountain did not help out in the lung capacity area, and after going only about 800kms I was dead. Not to mention the amount of work traffic at that time of the morning made crossing streets a difficult tast. I wonder how much it would cost to buy a treadmill? I mean I have a spare bedroom, not to mention ridiculous amounts of space in the living/dining room. After only about 10 minutes out on the road I decided to return home for breakfast. I did some pushups and situps and am now devouring an egg on toast. Although totally unimpressed by my performance I'll go out again tomorrow...because the only way to get better is to continue doing it.
I don't have much else planned for today. I trip to the bank to pay the rent. A trip to the school that has offered me the much needed job. A trip to buy curtains since it freaks me out that one can easily see into my livingroom at night. Classes begin on Friday so at some point I should invest in some supplies. It all feels so surreal really, as if I'm still in California with the dream of returning to continue my education. As if I had never left at the beginning of July. As if one day I'll wake up and realize it has all just been one long, unorganized dream.
Was it always hard to go back to CR after being in the states for awhile?? (or maybe I should just keep reading your blog and you will answer that question later on..hhmm..) It's so hard to leave what you KNOW and are comfortable in. I definitely get that.
ReplyDeleteLeaving family is never easy. But then again, leaving Costa Rica was never easy for me either. I would hate to leave to go back to the US but then I'd hate to have to leave the US to go back to CR. What I realized was that I was comfortable in both places. Both places felt like home. Maybe I didn't have blood family in CR but I grew very close to my tica family and I still talk to them often.
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